Calm and Panic
by Brianna Janeck
Summary: A few years after the events of the anime, old classmates from the Strawberry Dorms find themselves together in Los Angeles. Old feelings resurface, relationships are reexamined and drama ensues. Shizuma/Miyuki, Shizuma/Nagisa, others
1. Restless Shizuma

_Legally pointless disclaimer: I don't own SP! or the characters. (I don't really want to either; they crazy!)_

**Summary**: A few years after the events of the anime, old classmates from the Strawberry Dorms find themselves together in Los Angeles. Old feelings resurface, relationships are reexamined and drama ensues. Shizuma/Miyuki, Shizuma/Nagisa, and others (for those keeping score).

**Notes**: This will hopefully continue for a fair number of chapters (15 are planned at the moment); please review as you see fit! Also: I'll try to write the honorifics properly, as it really helps the flavor - but, I don't actually know Japanese so if I screw something up - sorry!

* * *

Chapter 1: Restless Shizuma

"Come to bed already, Shizuma-chan," Nagisa pouted, "Please? I wanna cuddle!"

"Be _patient_ Nagisa-chan. I've almost finished. Besides, you wouldn't want me to have a bad hair day tomorrow, would you?" Across the room, Shizuma was brushing her enormous silver mane, occasionally stopping to carefully check the smallish mirror on their dresser-top. Nagisa threw herself back onto the bed with a loud sigh and rolled her eyes.

In all the fantasies she'd indulged in while waiting to escape the suffocation of Astraea Hill and be with Shizuma, _this_ particular annoyance never quite figured into any of them. In all fairness, she could hardly have expected otherwise. Shizuma's hair didn't wash, dry, style, and brush itself, of course. But two or more hours per night, three nights a week - more if there was something special - Nagisa was just a bit sick of it. Once, she'd even suggested that Shizuma cut it - just to her waist, even? The response was... frightening, to say the least.

Nagisa never suggested that again.

Shizuma finally finished processing the last few strands and nuzzled up behind Nagisa. "Sorry about that, Nagisa-chan, but you know I have that graduate school interview tomorrow."

"I know, I know, but you were just taking _so_ long."

"Sorry. And, by the way, hmm, you should know - Miyuki-san is coming to town in a day or so."

"What? Really? How exciting!"

"Yes. With her, her _husband-to-be_ - it seems he has a business obligation here. Miyuki says they're supposed to be getting to know each other better, or some such silliness." Shizuma rolled her eyes.

Nagisa rolled halfway over and looked at Shizuma. "What do you mean 'silliness' - it's wonderful that they have the chance, don't you think? And it'll be _so_ great to see her again; like a little mini class reunion. Don't you want to hang out and show her the city and everything, Shizuma-chan? We'll have so much fun!"

Shizuma mumbled something unintelligible into Nagisa's back.

Nagisa was oblivious. "And, oooh, I wonder what her fiancé looks like, and do they really love each other - my second cousin had his marriage arranged and they say _he's_ really really happy, but I also think... mmmph!" Shizuma pushed her face-first into the pillow.

Nagisa started giggling uncontrollably.

Shizuma sighed, smiled slightly to herself and released Nagisa, then rolled onto her back. Despite Nagisa's excitement, she knew better. Miyuki's visit wasn't going to be 'fun', or even pleasant.

She closed her eyes.

* * *

Shizuma looked up. Miyuki was standing there, looking back at her fiercely. Their eyes met. Shizuma paused, then walked over to her, pulled her close, kissed her on the mouth.

It lasted only a moment before Miyuki pushed her away. Shizuma stumbled backwards as Miyuki raised her hand to strike. Behind her, Shizuma heard a scream, "Shizuma! Why?" She whirled to see Nagisa in tears, stumbling away, "No, no, no, no...." The refrain echoed in her head.

Shizuma felt a blow to the side of her head. Then another, and another, this time on her face and mouth as she turned toward her attacker. Her nose bled. She fell. Miyuki stood over her, glaring.

"Miyuki, wait!" she screamed.

* * *

Shizuma woke and sat straight up in bed, hyperventilating.

She blinked and looked around. Nagisa was asleep, her mouth half open. Shizuma collapsed forward, her head in her hands. _Just a dream_, she told herself. _It didn't really happen_.

Except - it had. Not quite like the dream, perhaps. Nagisa hadn't been there, for one. _Miyuki_ did all the crying, for another. Shizuma was the one prone to violent fits. But still - why? Why now? Shizuma hadn't been happy about visit to Los Angeles, but that was because she knew Miyuki wouldn't love... whoever he was. She was only marrying out of responsibility to her family, and...

And it was all Shizuma's fault.

She crawled out of bed and stumbled toward the door, not caring whether Nagisa woke up or not. She reached the front room of the apartment and looked around, now fully awake. There were boxes piled up all along the far wall - they hadn't ever really unpacked after moving in together. The combination of Nagisa's hyper inattentiveness and Shizuma's laziness made for quite a mess. Shizuma started rifling through the boxes at one end, looking...

Over an hour and one paper cut later she found it - a small maple box, the finish scratched from years of neglect. Shizuma sat down on the floor and opened it. She found herself looking at Kaori.

"Oh, no, no, no, not that, not now." She hastily turned the picture over. Underneath it was the picture she wanted - her and Miyuki, sitting on a bed in their old dorm room. Shizuma's arm was around Miyuki's shoulder. They were so happy, then.

Actually, Miyuki looked a little annoyed. Shizuma smiled.

Miyuki hadn't liked pictures, except to send to one's parents (responsibility, of course). Still, it was a teasing, Shizuma-you-silly-girl sort of annoyance. Not her I'm-submitting-to-my-duty expression - the expression Shizuma remembered best. She honestly couldn't remember the last time Miyuki had been like that picture. Not since it was taken, probably. After that, Kaori; then, well, Nagisa and graduation and.... Shizuma slammed her fist into the carpet.

Her bowed head forward with the blow, loose hair falling about her and the box. The wave of anger passed. Shizuma licked her dry lips and sighed. She leaned back.

She looked at the picture again, stared at it. "Miyuki."

The clock read 3:30 AM.

Shizuma shook herself, carefully replaced the picture and the box, and went back to bed. Nagisa hadn't budged.


	2. Awaken

**Author Note**: Thanks for the reviews so far - I'm very gratified! For this chapter, I'm almost certainly playing fast and loose with the chronology. So... if you're the sort that really cares, just mentally adjust their relative ages by a few years until it fits.

* * *

**Chapter 2**: **Awaken**

Suzumi Tamao woke up early with cell phone, computer, people outside her door, all clamoring for attention. Three meetings here in Tokyo, look over some random budget problems (which weren't her business, anyway) with somebody's assistant, put in a congratulatory call to the original series writer. Tamao hoped she have time to pack.

Yes, her travel plans were all set. Tokyo Narita by 5:00, LAX by 8:30 the next day, taxi to the network - people would tell her what to do next there. No, her agent did not need to be there all day. She _was_ aware that the executive associate producer would be late and that he is much more important than the head of the writing team (especially such a young, unknown one) and must not ever ever be kept waiting. Then there was a certain assistant director who had sent no less than twenty-nine emails, at least five of them completely contradictory, all between 2am and 3am Pacific Time. Tamao suspected the AD was actually several people. Or a robot.

American television production was certainly more hectic than anything Tamao had done before. _I'll get used to it, though,_ she told herself. Besides, she was going to be adapting her favorite classical novel to international syndication. Tamao could hardly imagine anything more satisfying - even if the adaptation wasn't _quite_ true to the original. Still, she could put up with a few obsessive assistant directors for the sake of art.

Tamao sighed happily. _Those language classes really paid off,_ she thought. All those days and nights at Miator, studying English and French with Nagisa. Ah, her beautiful Nagisa-chan. Tamao suddenly remembered - Nagisa was in Los Angles, going to college or some such, wasn't she? Tamao grinned to herself. She would just have to drop in a time or two, if only for old time's sake.

Her phone rang again. "Yes, I'm on my way..."

* * *

It was Saturday and there was nothing to do, so Nagisa didn't get up right away. The sunlight - albeit reflected off the building next door - warmed her skin ever-so mildly. It was almost too comfortable to more. She slowly reached her arms out, eyes still closed. Shizuma was breathing heavily on her right, still asleep. Nagisa rolled over onto her back. She would open her eyes in minute or two. Well, maybe five minutes.

Or ten.

Okay, that was enough. Open the left eye, just the left one...

Oooo! Too bright! Nagisa pulled the covers over her head and groaned. She'd just have to wait a bit more, that was all. Except...

"Oh, no! Shizuma, Shizuma-chan! Wake up!" Nagisa jumped out of bed and promptly fell on the floor. "Ouch! Shizuma-chan! Are you awake?"

Shizuma sat straight up and rubbed her eyes, "Mmmm," she said, "What?"

Nagisa was back up again, leaning over Shizuma, "Your appointment, remember? You have to talk to the people from the grad school, oh, whatever one it was. You said this was the one you really wanted and it couldn't go all wrong like the last one, and..."

She stopped. Shizuma was pointing dramatically at the clock with her left hand, her right still over her eyes.

"And it's not until one o'clock in the afternoon. Get off my back." Shizuma fell backward onto her pillow.

Nagisa sat down on the side of the bed. It was just after ten o'clock. "Oh. Well, you probably wouldn't have gotten up by then, either. Besides, don't you want breakfast? And you need to get dressed and ready. And maybe practice a bit, too?" Shizuma responded with an indistinct moan.

Nagisa got up and put her slippers on. Shizuma didn't have to be quite so annoying - she was trying hard. She loved Shizuma so much. It wasn't _her_ fault Shizuma was late for everything. Going to class, turning in assignments - getting her visa renewed - everything. Well, everything that wasn't a practical joke, impressing a pretty girl, or playing with her hair. _She's just so... impetuous. She needs someone to take care of her._ But Nagisa was used being taken care of herself - by her parents and her older sister through middle school, then Tamao at Miator. She'd imagined that Shizuma would be there to take care of her for, well, forever.

Shizuma hadn't been quite so interested.

Nagisa walked into the kitchen - really just the other half of the front room - and opened the fridge. Dry cereal and cold rice it was.

It had been Shizuma's idea to go to college in the United States in the first place, of course. "We'll get away from all of them - our families, everything!" She even managed to make it through the first half of her Comparative Literature degree - Japanese and French - without much trouble, even if she did spend most nights partying.

Nagisa decided to alter the 'cold' attribute of the rice to 'lukewarm'. "Shizuma-chan! Do you want your rice cooked?" Shizuma responded with a load grunt that _might_ have been a yes. Nagisa scooped out two bowls and put them in the microwave - one minute each.

By the time Nagisa had graduated from Astraea Hill and joined her, Shizuma had been a failing wreck - it all had something to do with a certain Jennifer Z_*_*, which had almost gotten Shizuma expelled. But Nagisa's arrival shook Shizuma up enough to turn her grades back around and make her eligible for some of the better graduate schools.

Nagisa smiled. She loved Shizuma-chan for that. She could be so utterly brilliant when she wanted to be. A real scholar. If only she wanted it more. Like the interview today. If it went well - and there wasn't any reason it shouldn't - Shizuma would have an excellent assistantship in one of the best Comp. Lit. programs around. It was all so exciting! And yet, and yet - Shizuma just wanted to stay in bed all day. And after all that fiddling with her hair the night before...

Nagisa sighed. Maybe it was her own fault, somehow. Her own academic record was - confused, at best. She'd tried biology, emphasis on botany - she did love flowers. But she hadn't counted on the amount of math _or_ the amount of memorization involved. Now she was trying for some kind of art degree to limited success. Maybe Shizuma felt restricted, held back.

The microwave beeped. Nagisa took it out, set it down, poked at it with a spoon. The rice looked especially unappetizing like that.

No, Shizuma wouldn't feel held back, would she? She always seemed grateful for Nagisa's support, and wouldn't have gotten past junior year without her. So was it... what? She resented the interference? That didn't make sense either.

"Rice again, is it?" Shizuma entered half-dressed.

"Yeah."

Shizuma sat down and sniffed her bowl. "Better than nothing."

"Shizuma-chan, can I ask something?" Nagisa said.

"Sure, whatever." Shizuma started eating the rice by large spoonfuls.

"Please! This is really important."

Shizuma stopped with her spoon halfway toward her mouth. Her shoulders visibly tensed as she turned toward Nagisa.

"Yes, Nagisa?"

"Well, I was just wondering - worrying - you aren't mad that I'm so bad at school while you're so good at it? Or, I don't know - something else, that you didn't want to get up this morning? Are unhappy about something?"

Shizuma's shoulders dropped. She smiled.

"Don't be silly, Nagisa-chan. I just didn't sleep very well, that's all. Nervous, I guess."

"Oh. Well, I'm, I'm sorry I woke you up like that! I just wanted you to be on time to the interview, that's all!"

"It's okay. Should have been up anyway." Shizuma focused on her rice. For a second there, she'd thought Nagisa... but never mind that now.

* * *

On a airplane somewhere over the Pacific, a tired-looking woman with ultramarine hair stirred, then woke. Her mouth was dry, she licked her lips absently. The plane dipped slightly. She bent forward at the waist, barely touching her head to the seat in front of her. She looked at the snoring man on her left.

The woman sighed and closed her eyes again.


	3. Getting Nothing

Chapter 3: Getting Nothing

Shizuma walked into the interview with her usual overwhelming confidence.

"Linguistic differentiation. Synthetic deconstructionism. Mitigating factors: revolutionary origination. Similarities to iconoclasticism."

"Negatory interpretations of 18th century authorship?"

"Needless anti-deformation developments...."

While Shizuma was busy pontificating, Nagisa went shopping. Primary for food - the infinite cold rice was getting depressing - but also for a gift for Shizuma. Something to celebrate her academic success and perhaps, Nagisa thought, something to make up for their odd half-a-fight over the last two days.

Or whatever that had been. After Nagisa's outburst earlier that morning she had felt a bit silly. Shizuma was nothing if not moody. Nagisa supposed she should be used to it by now. Still, a little present never hurt anybody!

But what to get? Cheesy little trinkets weren't really Shizuma's style. And she seemed to be against expensive trinkets purely on principle of rebelling against her parents - not that Nagisa could afford them anyway. That left - not much of anything. Pens? No. Pencils? Hardly. A hairbrush? Shizuma owned about 30 as it was. Alcohol? Bad idea. She eventually settled on a little silvery-colored photo frame with a flower pattern. Which was definitely cheesy, but at least it looked cute, and the thought counted and all that, right?

Meanwhile, Shizuma was exiting her interview in high spirits. She normally didn't get excited about academics, but showing off to potential graduate schools always made her feel a bit special. Not to mention, the pretty little grad student in the corner (whatever _had_ she been doing there, anyway) had totally been checking her out. And anyway, they had all but told her she was a shoe-in for the position - that should keep her parents off her back for a while. One less problem to deal with. She walked out the front entrance of the english building.

Nagisa ambushed Shizuma with a hug. "How did it go? How did it go?"

Shizuma looked down and smiled. "Really well. They say I'm probably in."

"Oh, how wonderful! I knew you would do it! So when will you start and will you have a special title and I wish I could go with you, or can I? And oh - I got you this!" Nagisa handed her the picture frame.

Shizuma took it, stared at it.

"Nagisa, I..." she started. Nagisa looked up expectantly. Shizuma didn't say anything else.

Shizuma cell phone rang, and she hastily pulled it out of her portfolio.

"Yes? Oh, my. Certainly, we'll see you soon. And Miyuki? It's nice to hear your voice."

Nagisa looked startled. "Miyuki-san is here? Already?"

"Ah, yes. It seems they've had some sort of problem at the airport. Miyuki wants me - us - to pick them up." Shizuma started striding toward the parking garage.

Nagisa stood still for a moment. "I don't think Shizuma-chan liked my picture frame," she whispered to herself. She turned to look at Shizuma. She was already fifty feet away. "Shizuma, wait!" Nagisa ran to catch up.

* * *

The ride in Shizuma's car - Shizuma's parents' car, rather (as Shizuma always insisted) - was quiet for the first fifteen minutes. Shizuma was completely intent on driving while simultaneously teasing at her hair in the little mirror attached to the sun visor.

Nagisa tired of silence rather quickly. "So..., did Miyuki-san say how she was doing?"

"She's fine."

"So why are they stuck? Was it like that time I forget the English word for 'shuttle' and thought it was the word for 'rabbit' and nobody could understand what I wanted and you had to come get me at 3:00 in the morning?"

Apparently it wasn't like that either.

"Well, I hope everything's okay..." Nagisa lapsed into silence. Shizuma was just in one of her moods again.

"Here we are." Shizuma finally spoke, bringing the car to a stop. "They're in terminal three."

They exited the car. Shizuma walked rapidly toward the terminal doors.

"Shizuma, wait! You forgot your bag," Nagisa called, but Shizuma didn't hear. Nagisa fumbled with the lock, opened the door and fished Shizuma's portfolio out of the mess. She sighed and ran toward the terminal.

Shizuma pulled open the glass doors and looked around, grateful to have lost Nagisa and her annoying questions. There they were - over by the fake potted plants in the corner; Miyuki hadn't noticed her yet. Shizuma started to call out, then reconsidered. She walked slowly toward them, inspecting Miyuki critically. She looked same as she had the last time they had seen each other almost three years ago.

Shizuma felt almost disappointed. She had somehow expected Miyuki to be like a, a - her vast stock of literary smilies failed her - a broken bird, or rather something else less clichéd. Yet here she was, sitting straight and tall and calm, her eyes as intelligent as ever. Not that she looked _happy_, but that wasn't Miyuki's style anyway.

It was so entirely unfair. How did Miyuki deal with it? Shizuma knew that she couldn't. She'd run away - hell, she pretty much had - or commit a crime, or _something_, before she would go along with an arranged marriage like that. _Duty be damned_, she thought.

Miyuki finally noticed Shizuma, if not her obsessive gaze. "Shizuma! Over here!" she called, waving her right arm undramatically. Shizuma started, than walked over, paying close attention to her posture.

"Shizuma, I'd like you to meet Yoshida Jun, my fiancé."

"How do you do, I'm Yoshida Jun - Miyuki has told me so much about you."

"Hanazono Shizuma. Nice to meet you."

The formalities and arrangements dragged on. It seemed somebody in Yoshida's company had difficulty with the concept of time zones, they needed a ride to the hotel as the shuttles didn't run there and they had very little US money. Not to mention...

"But where is Nagisa?" Miyuki suddenly interrupted.

Shizuma looked surprised. "I'm not sure - she was right behind me."

"There she is - Nagisa, here!" she called. Nagisa came up a minute later, a bit out of breath.

"Sorry, Shizuma - I went back to get your bag and then your phone, and I couldn't find you and, oh - Rokujō-sama!" Nagisa's face turned an amazing shade of red.

Miyuki smiled for the first time that day. "Hello, Nagisa."

* * *

After returning home, Nagisa went immediately to take a shower. "I'm just so tired," she sighed.

Shizuma watched her exit the room. A minute later she remembered Nagisa's picture frame, and took out of her portfolio bag. She looked at it - it just seemed so familiar, and she was quite sure she knew from where.

Another minute, she found and opened the little old box with the pictures from school. Sure enough, Nagisa had managed to buy the identical frame that the picture of Shizuma and Miyuki was in. Well, not quite identical, to be exact - and it was a common flower pattern - but all the same...

Shizuma put the box away without looking at the picture.

* * *

**Notes**: So, after receiving some advice (thanks again!) about honorific use, I'm going to tone it down quite a bit. I tried removing them altogether, but using 'honey' and 'sir' made the characters sound like mid-westerners and generally looked stupid. So, I'll probably keep (ab)using them as I see fit...

I originally didn't intend for Shizuma and Nagisa to have a car, but given that they're living in LA and Shizuma's parents are loaded, it seemed kind of ridiculous for them not to. Plus, it made the plot of this chapter a good deal more sensible. And yes, I totally stole the idea for Shizuma's 'interview' from a 30 Rock episode. It was just too cute to pass up!


End file.
